Time flies when your nose is on the grindstone

 So, today I decided to look at my blog and found a whole new regime installed by the google. I was surprised the last post was in April!! Maybe not too surprised. Everyday is Blursday here, although I do know when Saturday rolls around because my sweet baby visits for the day. All those other days are spent in my veggie garden, sewing room, kitchen, or in front of the tube, watching as much left wing liberal news, fix it and cooking shows as I feel necessary. 

The really big excitement around the neighborhood this summer was the Cooper's (I think) hawk and mate flying around protecting their nest. Several days ago, the babies left the nest and all is quiet in the mornings now. Of course, we still have the owls all night. This is going on in a very urban area of Memphis. 

  Thanks to zoom, I have been able to participate with the peeps at Memphis Sewing Guild and Tennessee Craft-Southwest. At MSG, we've started having programs again. Maybe not as much fun as in person gathering, but it'll have to do for now. I love seeing everyone and what they are doing. 

TNCraft-SW has been able to put together some gallery shows in town. Big thanks to all who put in the hard work to pull it together and provide the artists with venues for our work. 

Someday, things will be different again, for better or worse. I'll be glad for the break I've had from a daily grind and having had the time to spend as I wish. 

And it begins....

With a photo. This picture is from my visit to Dauphin Island last winter. It was such a relaxing weekend with my friend, Frederique. We were completely enamored of the environment and the solitude. Everyday we walked, a total of 21 plus miles over three days, according to Fitbit.
  We went from one end of the island to the other, even though it was breezy and cold most of the time. The foggiest morning was the best, like walking in a bubble. We both took many photos. Frederique had her very nice camera and has so many lovely shots of birds, dead things, trees, the gulf waters, etc.
 I forgot my little point and shoot, and had to rely on the Iphone camera, Since I wasn't sure of storage issues, I had to be a bit more judicious in my decisions of what to photograph, not just snapping pics of any old thing, like I usually do.
  I'm very happy with what I captured and have started on several pieces of artwork based on the photos. In future posts, I hope to show the progress I'm making and maybe inspire someone else to record your adventure in another way than vacation photos.

WKNO show

hand stitching on linen

The TNCraft-Southwest show at the WKNO gallery closed last week. When I went to pick up my artwork I discovered one of my pieces had sold!! YAY! I have no idea who loved this as much as I do, and want to thank you for choosing my work to be in your home or office or wherever......
  Plus, I couldn't be happier to have a few extra bucks to help pay for new eyeglasses, since I lost my fave bifocals at a punk rock show last week. I've finally stopped beating myself up for losing them. It's as if they VANISHED into thin air and maybe fell off my head into the toilet in ladies room. I don't know....I'm usually very careful keeping up with my stuff.

Senior Citizenhood

My birthday came and went. Now I'm 65. On Medicare. hmmm
I unplugged for a few days around my birthday and really enjoyed the quiet time. The weather was nice too. Then the remnants of the hurricanes swept through, one right after another. So much rain!!

The wedding dress I'm making for my great niece is ready to be shipped to her. And I have my plane ticket for the trip to California to finish the dress and attend the wedding. My sister and I decide I should fly to Las Vegas, then drive to LA. For some reason, I'm less nervous that if I was flying straight to LA, who knows why. I'm a terrible traveler.
  I hope to get some photos of the completion of the dress to post here when I get back in November.

At the end of August, I was in a show and sale with TNCraft-Southwest, then two weeks later, I participated in an art fair that was in conjuction with Central Gardens Home and Garden tour. I really enjoyed both outings and saw lots of people I hadn't seen in a while.  Plus, my work was very well received and that gave me a great feeling of accomplishment and validation.

My life has settled into the boring, drama free routine I wished for and I couldn't be happier.

Struggling

It seems the frustration will never end! The recent political situation has only added to derail my search for a quiet mind. I don't think I'm the only one feeling this way theses days.
  I did find the energy to complete my healthcare application, because I HAD to finish it, so I will have some coverage till it all goes to hell. Still a few more steps to make sure I'm registered properly.
 Past experience of doing all the right things to make something work, then being met with gut wrenching disappointment, haunts every step I take these days. But, I will put one foot in front of the other and meet each day with the hope for a better tomorrow. There's really not an acceptable alternative.

A busy day

For some reason, on Saturday, I felt compelled to accomplish many tasks. I got on a sewing jag, completing a couple of newly inspired projects, making a near futile quest for a cheap bag of ice, then doing a useless chore that proved most gratifying. I am mystified, yet happy. 

  Looking forward to many more tasks in the coming days and I know how satisfied I'm going to be when they are done....

These photos are from a corner in my house. A great place to rest ones weary eyes, don't you think?

Upcoming birthday musings

Oh dear, the days go by so quickly! Another anniversary of my birth is looming on the horizon.

  Such a lovely weekend, what with the art show and basking in all that glory of seeing friends and various others telling me how wonderfully creative I am. Almost an altered state, maybe a "high" of sorts.

Spent most of Sunday afternoon sorting art from the public display to its return to closets and walls in the hovel. Sunday evening, well spent, resting with compadre. 

 Monday, indulging myself in laughing and sharing creative conversation with trusted friends. Sometimes, Monday is the best day I can think of.

 Now, I'm thinking of the few days ahead, anticipating a small celebration for my birthday. At one point, I envisioned a grand party, but thought better of it. Since my special day almost always falls on the national holiday honoring those who actually work for a living, and nearly everyone has made plans for otherwise activities, I decided to forgo such nonsense. 

  I have outlived my father by a year and I pray to whatever is out in the universe that I will come close to living as long and productively as my dear departed mother, rest their souls. 

    Two sisters have gone before me in not so many more years as I have been celebrating my time on our lovely planet. I have thrown away all the pills and potions prescribed to me in an effort to ease the troubles of this modern life. I have pretty good hair and skin at this day and age. I have an attentive lover who appreciates the time and energy I can share with him. 

  Yes, I could complain about nit picky details......plenty of that...but why waste precious energy?  

We'll see how the next few days play out and hopefully the following post will be of a most happy day full of stories of how I celebrated my 64th birthday. 

Maybe I'll just stay home and listen to Beatles songs all day, then go to eatery around the corner for super girly martinis! In any event, there will be photos!!!

The soft opening of summer

Just like a new restaurant, the soft opening of this new season is Memorial Day. The real one will be the celestial day of fire and wishes for bumper crops of tomatoes and all the tasty summer veggies! The longest day of the year, before REAL Memphis summer sets in, to remind us how happy we are for air conditioners and wish the guy (or gal) who invented it gets a Nobel prize!
  The past weekend was very good and restful for me. After a night out of dancing to tunes from my youth, wherein I invoked the suggestion of dancing like no one is watching, I had a quiet, unplugged morning. A mind relieved of constant chatter is worth more than gold! Caught up on magazine reading, gave quiet thought to progress of next couple of art works, put my harried world aside for a moment.
   If you read my last missive, you will understand what next transpired. Yes. I jinxed myself. My bad. My firstborn young'un got back into my house. That's my bad, too. As my man friend says, solitudus interruptus. This happened last weekend, with large child promising to stay for only two days. It has been how many now? Which I have given constant updates on just how many?
   After four and a half years in the chair, I had come to grips with inherited enabling tendencies. Tough love was at the forefront, but in a weak moment it all fell to the wayside, and alas, I'm here now swimming in regret. So this day and the few before this one, I am gathering strength to fight the good fight to save my hard won solitude. Most of my lovely life (all the miserable days are distant sad memories now) I have cared for one person or another, and not regretted a day of it. As a daughter, a mother, a wife, a sister, all that time was freely and mostly lovingly given to that care. Those days are past. Time for me now, selfish as it sounds, I don't care. There's a line in the sands of time, folks!
   There's a summer waiting for me. Gardening, art making, dinner plans, lazy mornings and weekends, calling me to wander about in my big old house and yard, alone and loving it!

The happiness continues

 Maybe I won't jinx myself by admitting this, but life is coming along very well for me these days. After many weeks getting my house arranged to my liking and finishing several projects, I'm looking forward to a bit of free time.....sleeping late, indulging myself in art work, pulling weeds in the yard for an entire day......hours upon hours to myself without expectations from anyone.
  I'm especially looking forward to getting back to art work. So many ideas that need to be made whole. I feel the need to unplug, to leave the phone in a secluded place, so I can be completely alone until I want to not be so alone. As much as I love technology and all it can enhance one's place in the world, some days beg to be away from all of the intrusion technology brings.
  The idea of crawling in the dirt and green stuff is most appealing. The end result of a tended garden cannot be matched by hours of texting with even your most loved one. And I do love a day of that!!
  On the subject of loved ones, it's been a roller coaster recently. Without revealing too much, there's been a loss of those who are dear to me, an empty space which might be filled with joy in some future time. On the other hand, I've made a new friend who's brought a certain brightness to my days and some evenings, who's made me feel like a better version of myself when I'm in his presence.
   At any rate, it is a wonderful feeling to wake up to a fresh day each morning, to be excited about how many adventures await and the stories to be told of that day.

What an honor

The artists group I've belonged to for a long time is starting a feature to highlight an artist periodically. I wrote this short bio and except for the typos, think it's pretty good.  I am surprised that I was asked to be included in this, as there are many other members who have a more illustrious career in the arts. This should appear on the group website and/or Facebook page soon. With photos!!! Of course, this is a short bio. The long version would encompass a novel. That would be considered for a screenplay. The biopic would star Meryl Streep as myself and she would win a fucking Oscar! I tell myself this everyday to make me feel better. And it's working.

My parents came to Memphis after WWII and started having more children. I was the fifth girl, so I had no choice but learn how to sew. When my mother decided I wouldn’t sew my fingers or burn myself with the iron, she let me sew as much as I liked.

Lucky for me, I really loved it. The sound of a sewing machine is invigorating and soothing all at the same time, kind of like cigarettes. I made almost all my clothes as a teenager and my first real job was at Sears in the men’s department, doing alterations. I felt like a millionaire!

  I continued to sew as a young married woman with two small children, and occasionally made clothes for other people.  I worked at a dry cleaners doing alterations, too. 

   There were many other jobs in the meantime, at a photo finishing shop, retail, retail, retail…….at one point I was selling needlework supplies and giving knitting and crochet lessons at Goldsmith”s. Everyday was a learning experience.

  In the 80’s during the last of the heydays of fine fashion fabric stores, I went pro and sewed beautiful things for some very nice people. I taught myself how to construct tailored garments, how to make patterns, fitting adjustments for ladies who found it difficult to buy quality clothing in stores. I made bridesmaids dresses till I pulled my hair out!

I researched unfamiliar techniques in books and magazines, which eventually became a near obsession. I have bookcases FULL of my collections of reference material. Everyday is still a learning experience. 

   One day in the late 90’s, I picked up a quilting magazine and my focus went immediately to more creative sewing adventures. I followed the “rules” for a little while, but decided to teach myself how to make my own colors and designs. I found a different way to do everything, it seemed. 

    I can’t remember how I found the Memphis Association of Craft Artists, but I felt a door had opened when I did. My art was accepted for what it is, an expression of a creative form that didn’t fit into a two dimensional plane stuck on a wall. The other artists and their work enthralled me, as I had never been around talented people who made even functional pieces beautiful and desirable, worthy of showing to the world as art work!

  I loved being in the group and speaking the same language of creativity, and who doesn’t love a fabulous potluck meal!! The day I was asked to be on the board, I was honored and terrified at the same time. Before this experience, I had no idea what it takes to herd cats. But I have nothing but fond memories and continuing fond feelings for what is now Tennessee Craft-Southwest. I hope to continue to contribute to the group in the future, near and far. As always, everyday should be a learning experience. 

   If any of y’all are interested, I post infrequently on my blog at www.sadfugeeface.blogspot.com, (go to fiber art posts) and can be found more frequently on Facebook. 

 

Okay, kids.

Having recently learned there ARE actual readers of this blog, I shall continue in this endeavor.
Today was a very good day. Work in the yard continues. Yesterday afternoon, the tree guys came to remove a dead limb that was hanging over the house. A couple days ago the wind was mighty and scared the crap out of me, because of the dead tree parts that could potentially crash through the roof into my kitchen, the heart of my home!
  The scare passed, but a phone call from the guy who had cut some tree limbs awhile back, made me think about the horror story of dead tree parts invading my home. So he came by to rid the danger of certain mayhem to my happy home.
   Then there was a big mess. But not for long. With help from the stalwart Mrs. Gleadhill, the leaves and sticks were dispatched to a lovely stick fire and raised garden bed. The driveway is swept, compost spread on the raised bed and plans made to remove another tree threatening to crash into other parts of the hovel.
    This is just another day on top of another where I feel empowered. I have been able to accomplish more than I ever thought I could a few years ago. Yes, some days I am tempted to indulge myself in sorrow and self pitying, especially when I miss my grandson and want to second guess how I could have handled that fucked up situation any differently. But, there's no going back for useless recrimination. I decided to love myself in spite of all that has passed. Looking at an ad in the newspaper the other day, I thought I might buy myself an engagement ring! Dang!!! I spent that money on trees!!
   The next self love fest will be tomorrow afternoon at the opening of collaborations show. Some other people who love me might be there. It will be a great day anyway. Many more good and great days are ahead of me. Seeds have been sown for this year's garden. New art works are waiting to be created. Blog posts will be written for those who are interested in reading about my wonderful, simple life. I love y'all too.

Technology in the new year

For the last few months, I've been itching to have a new gadget of some sort. I knew I couldn't afford the MacBook of my dreams, so I found this lightweight PC at Office Max while shopping for ink pens. WHAT?? Yes, I came home with HP Stream-the Chromebook killer-for around $230. It's blue, my favorite color and has Windows 10. It also has an internal mouse, which I hate and my next purchase will be a wireless mouse!!!
   My son told me Windows 10 was not of the devil so I decided to give it a try for the reasonable cost of the machine. Of course, I will never give up my other laptop with 7 until the terrible day Microsoft no longer supports that operating system. That machine is full of documents and photos and runs so sloooowwww I only go in there when I absolutely have to. So many files for banking, taxes, insurance, ugh.....it knows all my scanning and printing preferences. It's my friend who's been with me through the hard times and the old days of learning the world of computering.
    I wrote my first blog posts there....good times. Now, hardly anyone reads my blog, yet I can't give it up. I bared my private moments, as much as I dared. Maybe everyone tired of the constant photos and stories of my yard projects. How could that be!!! My yard and garden are awesome! Maybe, I didn't post enough of my artistic adventures. Well, the divorce and need for making a living got in the way of that fun!
    So, here I am, with the new machine. Yes, I'll still use the other PC laptop and yes, I'm still totally enamored of the Ipad, my go to machine, as long as I have wifi. But this new machine, so blue, so fresh, so devoid of crap, oh so sweet. Weighs almost nothing. And did I say it's blue? My favorite color?
    The next time I'm here there will be a wireless mouse because I HATE this swirly, fingery pad!

 

The end is near

The last few days of 2015 remain and I wonder if I should look back in retrospect, to divine some knowledge to help me construct a plan for the new year, or just say "Fuck it!" and get on with the day to day grind, with no mind to the imaginary boundary of time. Probably the latter. 

   One day blends into another anyway, it seems. This feeling can definitely be attributed to the lack of sunlight! I am so looking forward to getting back in the yard and watching things come up from the ground, becoming green. The raised bed should be ready for crops by the last frost date. The beds around the deck are settled and I will get myself together earlier this winter for peas and other early plantings. 

    I have a few art projects to accomplish during the upcoming crappy, cold days of January and February. I will be very happy to bury myself in some creative endeavors, as I must take my head in a completely different direction for awhile. That is the one retrospective analysis I've gleaned from my experiences this past year!! 

   So let's raise a glass to the new year, whenever it decides to start itself.....

Kitchen upgrade

So I bought the new sink and got it home, then realized I'd NEVER be able to install it by myself, so my son said he'd help me. Picked him up, got yummy breakfast and just a few hours late, I had a new kitchen sink!!! It is so awesome and I am sooooo happy!! 

Little by little, I am making this MY house, MY home! Five years ago I would have never thought life could be so good. It's not perfect, but pretty damn good!

My boy under the sink, doing his best!

Old sink, new sink

Making a life

You know how it is when you watch all those shows on tv about changing your surroundings to your liking? And it costs thousands of dollars? And you get all those sweet pot lights and new appliances, countertops, and floors? Well, that's not happening here, but......I decided, because I can, to change a few things to make me happy. 

 A couple of weeks ago I changed the kitchen faucet to one I liked better, and was able to do it myself with only three trips to the hardware store. Thankfully, Home Depot is just around the corner.  The other day at the HD competitor, I saw the perfect kitchen sink ON CLEARANCE!!!! 

   Not sure of the size, I went home and measured then returned to the store, only to find that sink sold out!! Boo hoo......but there were the last two in Memphis at another store. Early, I mean EARLY, on this Saturday morning, the sink was mine. Somebody else can have the LAST one.

  I know I'll have to reinstall the faucets, but that will be easy now that I have practice and all the required wrenches, Teflon tape, etc. Photos will be posted!

Hello, I'm back....

A lot has happened since April. The spring was lovely and lasted along time, then summer hit, BAM! Now we are in the process of another season. The leaves are raining down, begging to be swept up for a long winter's nap in the leaf pile and garden bed. The beds surrounding the deck were productive for the most part. The orange cherry tomatoes did the best. There was lettuce and collard greens till the heat and bugs came. Cucumbers and summer squash tried their best, but the borers sucked the life out of them. It was sad.....
   Probably the best plants for the summer were the moon flowers. I'd never had any success with them before, but they performed beautifully all summer. Now I'm collecting seeds for next year. I'll put them near the front porch then, so they can entertain me in the late of the day while I'm sitting inside the screen.
   Speaking of screens, the awesome tent I set up on the deck, got blown over one stormy afternoon. That was sad, too.....
   But life moves along. It's a great feeling to wake up to it everyday and face life head on with joy in my heart.

Where am I???

It's been forever since I last posted. 2014 was a crazy time adjusting to single life and getting my financials in order.

 The Federal tax man still loometh over me, but after dealing with local bureaucracy this past year, I'm ready. Of course, this is no laughing matter. I have to get a firm footing on my responsibilities and since I got out the loop, so to speak, for so many years, it's an adjustment I have to make. I'm anxious as hell about it all, but we all need something to keep our blood pumping, eh?

   The divorce was final one year ago January 15. You can't spend 20 years of your life and not have some residual effect. My grandchildren are here. Unfortunately, one of them brought his parents. But that's not his fault. They view my precious little boy as their golden ticket to a life of ease and irresponsibility. They are users in the worst way, always looking for a sucker. Some way to get what they need without too much effort on their part. That is a whole other story, volumes could be written in a psychological journal on those two. 

  Because of my long time in therapy, I have the insight to see this and help myself, in a most patient way. I choose to focus on the grandkids. And my own needs. Especially my need to be creative and productive. 

   I've spent much time over the year, indulging myself with big projects. I built a deck, which is totally awesome! There was a summer in January spell for the last several days, and I worked on the raised beds around the deck. The rest of my yard looks like shit, but that will resolve itself in time. The attic is finally getting cleared out. That is another story for a different day. Ugh......

  Right now I'm concentrating on upcoming art shows and other projects. Now that my health is better, I have the energy to work on the backlog of all my ideas that keep me awake in the wee hours. (Did I mention I was under the weather for most of October and December? Yuck. At least I'm not in the hospital like I was a year ago!)

  My art work is of great satisfaction to me now. I've missed being creative for the last several months. I'm trying to catch up on my trading cards, too. 

   So, here's to me.....survivor of the year!! Hahahahahaha. Life is good in general. Some days are pretty shitty, but the alternative is unthinkable. 

Summer

The heat and humidity returned as we all knew it would. Hey, this is Memphis.

 So I will wait for a while before I work in the yard. So much to be done. By now, I certainly know the meaning of the phrase, "Nature abhors a void." I think that's where the the tale of Sysiphus in Greek or roman mythology came from. Maybe rolling a rock up a mountain just seemed more heroic than yard work. I beg to differ. I am beating back a forest!! I am a majestic fifty foot goddess, plucking that tree seedling from the ground. 

Then I turn around and a tiny bird has pecked a hole in my precious tomato. Where was that goddam cat who's supposed to be protecting the crops? Oh yeah, that cat is sleeping in the air conditioned house, waiting for me to open a can of food. Why do the cat food companies not make bird and mouse flavored cat food? Cats are getting soft, like kids these days. 

  Where was I?? I don't know. It's still summertime. The living is easy?? The cotton is high? Wish I was. 

  Okay back to reality.....I have my bed quilt halfway done. I'm very excited to get that project to completion, mainly to satisfy the Lutheran in me. I have an idea for another small series of art quilts, that I started long ago.

  Vincent's birthday is tomorrow and his mom is making a fabulous cake. I will stay out of her way in the kitchen, for sure. Photos of that in coming days. He is very excited as he should be. Growing so tall and handsome. School will be upon us soon. Fourth grade!! 

  My life is reasonably good, if you look at the really big picture. I have a house with utilities and running water (tidy too!), a vehicle that gets me where I need to go, I'm not malnourished, by any means, family who love me, friends who care, despite my multitude of flaws. Enough technology to satisfy my want for reaching out to the world. Enough time to satisfy my want to be in control of my little patch of earth.

  My dear departed sister would put things she could not control or deal with in her outer environment. Everybody in the family knows of this place. We laughed about it at her funeral. And when you think about it, it makes sense. She used to joke that she had put so many things there, they were all crashing back into her life. I wonder if I'm doing the same thing. There's not so much that I'm in danger of stuff coming back in, but I know I have made an outer environment of my own, to keep the hurtful feelings away from my everyday life. How many of you do this? Is it a defense mechanism that everybody has? Is it dangerous or normal? 

  Gosh, I miss my sister. 

Passions

I have a renewed romance! With my yard! So much digging and clearing out lately. It makes me so happy to see an overgrown space become beautiful again. AND the weather has been totally fabulous the last few days, unheard of for this town, this time of year. The last time I slept with the windows open on the 4th of July was in my childhood and we had no air conditioner!
   Of course, it will be hot again this week, but right now, I am the happiest camper, hanging out in the yard, having a drink and a meal in the late afternoon or early evening. I have to get that in early because I'm dead by 10pm.

hasn't looked this good in years

a big clear out in the shady side of front yard

my fairy garden with tiny polar bear!

A different look at life

Looking at recent post's titles, my outlook on life needs to be moving at a better pace than plodding. Of course, I wanted a more boring life than the one I was living in the last couple of years, but plodding? No! 

Maybe I need to find a more positive vocabulary to express the daily adventures I'm experiencing. But my attention to minutiae may not be everyone's cup of tea, even though it excites the shit out of me. For example, I was totally incensed that some critter ate the tomatoes from my plants I have been tending for months. I have not had much luck in the past few years growing veggies of any sort and this year seems promising that I might get some lovely tomatoes from my effort. Now that the deadly tree is gone, there is a bit more sunshine and we have had abundant rain. So, I stood in the rain and carefully arranged netting over the plants, hoping to discourage interlopers from my would be harvest. 

  On a sadder note, I found remnants of a tiny body of some sort near the pond. My heart sank as I did a rudimentary autopsy (with a stick) and realized that the smaller of the bullfrogs may have met an untimely end. Those darn raccoons!!! Probably the same ones who nabbed the tomatoes!! Grrrr...

  Such is my homebody existence. And I don't mind. I asked the powers that be for a dull and boring life. A drama free zone. That's what I have now. And I have stargazers to bring me joy.