Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Life plods on

The dust has yet to settle on the divorce. This is annoying and exhausting. A first world problem, for sure. But it is my first world problem and has caused much anxiety for me. I find myself short tempered, sleepless, and unable to concentrate. AND the big dead tree that has caused much worry for the next door neighbors and myself, is coming down tomorrow. Big change in store. 
  I knew this day would come, but it has caught me off guard. Wednesday is the day I clean Linda's house, and now my schedule is upset. There was no way to move it to Thursday, because that is Vincent's awards day at school and he is going to receive his ribbon for perfect attendance. He is so proud of this achievement and I CANNOT miss the program.
  So tomorrow it is. We scurried to clear the driveway and my fingers and toes are crossed the tree guys will be able to get the crane in the backyard. That is the less expensive option and lord knows I need to cut as many corners as possible these days. 
   Today was one of those crazy days where I was trying to sew and send emails back and forth and had to field a goofy phone call on top of everything else. The emailing has to do with the dusty divorce and my wishes for a complete finish to it all. Ugh. Some of the terms of the settlement have fallen into place only because I have taken the lead at most turns, such as, getting the house in my name and removing the exes belongings. These were two projects which were very important to me. Other things that had to be done, according to the decree, were done in a timely manner, per the settlement agreement on my part. I have tried to be very conscientious about keeping my end of a bargain. We will not discuss my disappointment about other's failures to do so right now. There's plenty of time for recrimination to last a lifetime it seems and dwelling on that is counterproductive. 
   So.....the control freak in me is having a hissy fit knowing there are outside forces that are taking their sweet time, for one reason or another, and I have to be be patient in the face of insurmountable frustration for some behemoth bureaucracy to move at its own glacial pace. Just to place the last piece of the puzzle to complete my divorce. 
   The really sad part is, my exhusband still has no clue why the divorce happened in the first place. From what I can tell from his recent behavior is, he has dug in his heels to hang onto the last vestige of his former life, which did not include me in any real way. And I am bound by the terms of the divorce from revealing that information. Oh darn!
   Oh goodness, this is an awful lot of TMI, but probably no one will ever see it, and my secret will be safe. Kind of like hiding in plain sight. But the joke might be on me. We'll see.
   Anyway, the house is in my name, irregardless of the phone call last week from the official from the county questioning the legality of the language of the quit claim document. Another story, for another time, children. The tree is my biggest worry right now and I'm taking the initiative to fix this problem. I think that is my best personality trait. I like that about me. I like more and more about me nowadays.